Children learn insecurity.  They are not born thinking that they are inferior to someone else.  Instead, they learn this through the reactions of others.  Through their family and peers, they learn if they are likeable, loveable, attractive, intelligent, funny, engaging, interesting, and so forth.  But when it comes to insecurity, the mistake that many of us make is in thinking that others can fix it for us.

Those who feel they are “not enough” look toward their relationships with others to heal the insecurities of the past, but that never works.  Insecurities need to be fixed from within.

As always, we need to look at the situation and ask ourselves, “Is there something I can change about me or how I react to others that will reduce these insecurities?”  Are you willing to change that “something” if it is changeable?  If it is a characteristic of your physical appearance or a characteristic of who you are at your core and it cannot be changed, then you need to learn to accept who you are.

The next step is to build your confidence in yourself.  Set small goals and when you achieve them, congratulate yourself.  Find out what you have to contribute to others and believe in that contribution. Build on the positive; reduce the importance of what you perceive as a negative.

The last step is to change the tape that is playing in your head.  The tape that tells you that you are not worthy of others’ time and consideration.  People with insecurities tend to either be very quiet around others or to be overwhelming around others.  When you are quiet, sometimes it comes across as being unfriendly or people may think you believe you are better than them.  When you are overwhelming, people may think you believe the world revolves around you and that you are not interested in anyone else other than yourself.  Change how you react to others; concentrate on being more positive and giving off a more positive energy.   Make sure others know you are interested in them.  Ask questions and share the burden of a conversation.  You don’t always have to be the one talking.  Listening can be just as important to the energy of a conversation as talking.  Be confident, be comfortable and quell your anxiety by altering what you have been led to believe about yourself.  Instead, understand that these insecurities are not you.  They are what you have allowed others to tell you about yourself.

One other aspect of insecurity to consider is that your insecurities are passed on to your own children.  The sooner you resolve to become more confident, the easier it will be for your children to learn that they are worthy too.   Author of The Tin Box Trilogy

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