Grief takes different forms.  There is the natural grief that comes from losing a parent or grandparent.  There is the tremendous grief of losing your spouse, your life partner, or a dear friend.  And there is the inconceivable grief of losing a child.  Grief cannot be measured, compared, quantified or qualified, but sometimes loss can be rationalized and sometimes it just can’t.  I have lost people that I love and I know that the process of grieving changes in time but it never ends.  I have nearly been the person that my family and loved ones lost, and I have received the gifts of living beyond a near death experience.  Grief is different for each person, how they handle it may not be how someone else handles it.  Grief is not to be judged.  No matter how painful it is, no matter how lonely of a process it is, grief demands to be felt. Shutting oneself off to the process only delays the inevitable.  Surround yourself with love. Support others if you can. Sharing grief helps to make it more bearable and helping others gives you a purpose.

Guilt can be part of grief, it can slow the process down and destroy you.  No matter what the situation, you cannot turn back time.  The person who has been lost, would not want you to feel guilt at their parting.  We are all human, we all make mistakes, we are all just doing the best we can in the moment.  Guilt serves no purpose in loss other than to destroy those who are left behind.  Let go of the guilt and turn it into an opportunity to help someone else.  It is much better to be constructive than to be destructive.

The loved one that you have lost loves you.  The loved one that you have lost forgives you.  Let go of the guilt, process the grief, and help others.

http://www.theresadodaro.com   Author of The Tin Box Trilogy