If we are beautiful and good like Cinderella, then with a little help from our fairy godmother, Prince Charming will come and rescue us on his white horse and we will live happily ever after. That is the fairy tale that we learn as children and it is the fairy tale that we strive for throughout our lives. But sooner or later we realize that fairy tales are just fairy dust, they just aren’t real life. The problem is that Cinderella is looking for magic, princes, and fairy tales to make her happy. She thinks she needs them to tell her she is beautiful and good. But no matter how many times or how many people tell her she is beautiful and good, if she does not believe it herself, then they might as well be saying nothing at all.
Through the pain and disappointment in our lives, we hear that we are not worthy. We come to expect the pain and disappointment. We may even bring it on ourselves because we have decided before we even start that it will end that way. We build an impenetrable fortress around our hearts and souls to protect ourselves from others. We promise ourselves that we will never be vulnerable again. We can’t listen to other people, those “happy” people, tell us that we will find that “fairy tale love” someday. Yet who among us have lived our entire lives without pain and disappointment? Is anyone really immune to it? Does this fairy tale exist in anyone’s life?
We are born alone. Yes, there are others there, our mother at the very least. But she is not experiencing the same thing that we are at birth. We will live our lives alone. Yes, there will be others there. But they will not be experiencing the same thing that we are in life. We will die alone even if there are others present. Life is, in essence, solitary, but we are social beings and we need others to share it with. This controversy is the core of our unhappiness. Because the experiences we live are not the same as the experiences of those whom we live with. The connection that we can have with another human being is limited. The closest connection there can be is between a mother and a child. But even that has its limitations.
The lesson we need to learn most through the journey of our life, is that we are beautiful and good. But it is only you who can teach yourself this. No one else can give you this gift. Only you can do it. You don’t need me to tell you, but I will say it anyway, “You are beautiful and good.” Now, I want you to say it to yourself . . . “I am beautiful and good.” Doesn’t that feel good?
I have so many friends who are going through difficult times in their relationships and there are no words that I can give them that will make it all alright. I have been through difficult times myself. And there are may times when I feel I am not worthy. No matter how many people tell me I am, it is not until I tell it to myself and believe it, that it becomes real. Life is not a storybook. Life is a journey full of lessons. Love yourself and you will be loved. Value yourself and you will be worthy.
http://www.theresadodaro.com Author of The Tin Box Trilogy